It’s amazing how fast time has just passed by. Each time I pause to reflect, and think of writing everything I felt, I just feel so tired. I tired not because I am physically fatigued. Rather, I feel so mentally drained. With so many things running through my head, with so many things I want to do, I really wish that I had more energy, more time to do things.

Everyone has dreams and aspiration, I’m sure we all do eventhough it may not be a really clear one. Well, guess what I had my typed out in my laptop. It was a point- form word document which was about 2 pages long. That long huh… Not really considering, that I have so many things I wish to accomplish. Like getting a good job, joining OCS( if they would actually want to accept me..), finding a life partner and of course eventually settling down. Of I won’t tell you what are the specific and what other things I wrote in there because as you should noticed by now that I don’t like talking. Especially about myself unless you actually corner me and make me take truth serum. I mean it’s damn bloody personal and me being the insecure person ( yeah.. I think that I’m insecure) that I am. Do you think I’ll tell of cos not.

But there is one thing that I am very much sensitive to eventhough I do seem to joke a lot about it and seem to heck care when people joke about is my height. Ya Sure! U can comfort me by say that I’m not that short, that you are blessed with other gifts, and that there are a lot successful people who are short. It doesn’t change a damn fact that i wish to taller than I am now. It’s true that I being too preoccupied with it. But i can’t help it. It’s just the way I am, if I don’t like how something is turning out, I’ll be very much preoccupied by it. And that’s the damn reason why I like being second, I don’t have to set the tone for things. Cos if I had to, it just sometimes seem so unattainable.

You heard of this famous saying about how “ Dreams will always just remain a dream unless you make it happen”, I guess it the other reason why I am the way now, because I just so sick and tired of waiting for things to happen. What for my study mood to come back, waiting for that special someone to appear, waiting , waiting and waiting. Be patient you say, ya like how to with the world around me being so fast paced.

You know when I got back from Sabah and was back in Singapore. Let me tell you how much frustration I felt and how much I wish I could have stayed in there. Sure the people there may not all speak my language, sure they’re not as rich, but one things for sure, their competitive spirit was performance-driven like our society. Ask yourself this, how would answer this question of mine? How’s life? What will you tell me, very busy with school lar, very sian. I mean how many will actually say Life’s great. And come to think of it. I have begun to lose the positivity that I found back in Sabah. Things are back to square one again.

Third week into school and I can only say that I look forward to IEF because KPT is just so interesting. Sure a lot of people dun like her because she keeps shooting you but I guess I love it because I’m not getting shot at because I keep a Low Profile. Isn’t it true, I have kept a low profile all my life. In primary school, in SJI eventhough I was the CSM of SJI-NCC(AIR), how many actually knows the real me, not many I guess, needless to say in NP, I lie low. But I start to think that it’s quite hard to grow if I continue to keep my profile low. I’m missing out on so many opportunities. Ms Wong is okies lar I guess, her style is okies only I guess. Because I still like to be spoon fed or what make it sound nicer facilitated.

Another bother now is how I’m still unable to concentrate in my damn studies now. I just feel so slack and don’t feel like doing tutorials. All I can think of is about how to make my experience in Life a more memorable and enjoyable one. One where ten years down the road, I’ll look back and say going to Ngee Ann was afterall, the right choice. Not that it’s not a right choice already but just because, now I think back, there just seemed to be nothing really really worth remembering yet. I mean I can actually cover more stuff just by reading on a bus than at home. How I wish i had an air con. Seriously, I think that is the missing key to my concentration. Of cos a peace of mind is another.

And soon the third week would have gone and I will be writing another entry complaining about my self proclaimed miserable( when it actually ain’t too bad) life. About how my com broke down about how, i don’t know how I am going to complete all the things that I’ve set out to do.