Measure of the Man

Well, i had been too busy over the past weeks and now that it's all over, i feel like i need to say something before i move on. Back to my prep for the EXAMS ( yeah if Mr Yow, Ms. Tan or Mr Wong is reading this, Pls Pls Pls Gimme the A/ Ad) I've really worked or rather tried very hard and i know some work is has not been up to ur expectation for the A grade but i have to say i've really tried to.

For the past weeks, I've drowned myself in work, tons of work, so that i needn't be bothered with the others things in life like relationship issues(finding a girlfriend, being on better terms with my family members, being on better terms with my neighbour and friends) and it worked for a while. At my friend's bday party, everything was lighthearted and fun and when it seemed like there were moments people were unconsciously with each other. It was great. But when the party ended so did the tots. There was just so much left unheard and unable to be deciphered by the untrained. And did i mention how i dread weekends without works because it meant that i had to face myself and answer to all those things that i should be doing but ain doing.

Cos with work, you didn't have to face your own problems, you could deal with problem with models and techniques that were taught in books and weren't that complicated to decipher. And when all else fails you can throw tantrum at your groups mates. There's no dull moment in time whereby the words "FACE YOUR FEARS/ PROBLEMS?" would surface in your mind. And so with all the projects having ended, there's no report, no powerpoint slides, no gant chart to hide behind. It all struck home on Saturday when i decided to simply waste my day away and to then waste a ton of money while at Thai Express and then going out for a drink when i usually dun drink. I listened about my friends problems and friends projects and everyone seemed to have someting to say but we made comments sometimes passing ones to struggle for the tiny wee bits of attention we could get from each other so that people can emote with us. What a bunch emo guys with too much tots bottled up we are. Well there's actually nothing wrong, I planned to get wasted that day but i was barely tipsy. Oh well that's beside the point.

But over the weekend, God sent me a message. It couldn't have been more clear since it repeated time and time again over the weekend. First i watched Bobby on Friday, it told me about how people everywhere tried to live out their life to fullest. Many making bad calls and foolish mistakes but still they went on with it. Then the next day, at mass, there was something similar but it was that although we doubt ourselves, there are others who believes in us and so we should live life that was meant for us. Then in the evening, i was informed of my friend's father's death. It was so unexpected, so sudden. Wad a painful way to be reminded that life is too short for us to doubt, to be uncertain, to be lukewarm. To send the message home must have been the movie, Happy Birthday. Whereby the lead actor waited all his life for lead actoress to stop doubting herself and say to Him "I love you, and I want to be with You forever" And till his dying days, he waited to hear it from her but she never realised it (his waiting for her to express her love & his passing & his undying love).

This message have left me to regret many times over the things that i have yet to accomplished because i lack the courage. that's y i deprecate myself so much. And that's y i also forgive people who waste their life away, not willing to try to put in even that inch of effort to move out of your own comfort zone to fulfill your dreams. What must be done to make you realise how insignificant we are in the eyes of universe and how our existence would not have mattered if we don't try.

I have answered part of my question to what is the measure of the man. One measure is the legacy he leaves behind. I may not have known my friend's dad but i too mourned his death and celebrate his existence for knowing that he devoted himself to loving one woman, and to bring 3 sons into existence and having nurtured them to be filials sons, men of integrity, good character, faith and heart and fathers of tomorrow. I may sound over the top but i for one believe that this is true.

So to Richard's, Edwin's and Lionel's Father... God bless... Rest in Peace.