Things I'll Never Say

This entry begins with an SMS i received and i wondered to myself what should i reply?

"How have you been?"
"fine", "better","great!" or the truth: "miserable and living in regret"

There's always two side to a coin, the yin and the yang, the good and the evil. sometimes i just dun want the present me anymore. The goody too shoe, the push over and the ones who goes with the flow. Maybe if i was more opinionated, maybe if i stood up for myself more, just maybe then i would feel better.

So am i happy or am i sad?

I'm sad because of many issues. My height, my lack of fortune, my lack of intelligence, the lack of direction,the lack of achievement, the lack of confidence the lack of money, the lack of faith, the lack of love, the lack of passion. the lathergy, the laziness, the fact that people look at me and tink i'm boring. Maybe i should start to learn how to start conversation with strangers. Maybe i should tell my family that we need to talk more. Maybe i should learn to revamp my room.

A friend walked up to me after a certain incident and asked so what now? you feeling sad? Can i say no i'm not sad. Well that what i said but what can i say? God dealt me a bad hand? Maybe we're just not fated to be together? what nonsense, on hindsight, it has always been me. the lack of courage to say the things that's needed to be said. I know how many ppl look at me and i simply accept. But how i hope that someday all that would change