Just Like A Dream

Well.. it feels like i just awoken from a nightmare that turned into a dream that turned into a nightmare again. A little unease in my heart, a little fear of the uncertainty ahead of me.

When you that the 9 weeks of BMT won't end, it simply did. 2 weeks confinement, field camp, SOC, BCCT, more SOC & BCCT, SIT Test, Live Range, HG, IPPT and suddenly just liddat POP! Pass Out Loh! Only thing that remains is the fragments of memories where we bitched about training, talked bout life: our future, love life, family life, doing certain things with apprehension but then at the end of feeling satisfied that we did it. Yesh! i regretted certain things that i have said and certain things that i've done but still it was a good 9 weeks of my life.

Then the block leave came, we scattered but some of us still met up to catch up. it was great. I even managed squeeze in some time to catch up with the rest of the world but in the end. 10 days has gone by really quickly. The posting's out. I'm going to OCS. Yeah i did want to go there. People say dreams dun usually come true and ask you fight for it. But they never did tell me what to do when it really came true. Suddenly i'm afraid, all the horror stories, all the talk bout the IMPOSSIBLE Being Nothing. The break ups, the crazy ppl you'll meet. It has really instilled a sense of helplessness. But i guess i still trugde on, a step at a time, believing in hope, the faint light at the end of this long and winding tunnel.

let me rabble on a little more, pls. I used to tell ppl to just go out and do it. to live every moment but i have realized. Living every moment isn't simple, for each goal i've achieved, i've sacrificed a part of my personal life to gain it. because of this word 'courage". I ask for the courage to love, to be open, to think big and wild, to believe that we can lead that perfect life someday somehow.