Feelings

i tink i'm really tired as i type this. Today, i went for ambassadors briefing in the morning and i have to say it was a pretty good briefing. Have a good laugh and some fun. But i guess at the end of it, as i was quite tired and having someone to lunch with u is kinda fun, it almost felt like family, i haven had dinner with my family for the longest time and i oso dunno why, as we sit down to eat, nothing is discussed. I have so many things i want to talk about but my parent never really seem to care to ask and me directly voicing it out just seems really weird. I can still remember having dinner with my parents and it was the quietest dinner i've ever had, we practically didn't talk except about what to order.

It's really sad that i don't even know their wedding aniversary, or those farni habits that my dad used to have. And they never seem to understand i really want to prove my worth to the world. I really want to be a person who everyone will not rmb. I mean it's true, how many will actually rmb me for the things i've done and the things i've said. I know i dun have much charisma, i dun have much charm and i lack a lot of self esteem but it's not like i can help it, it almost as if i want to be bigger than my body actually is.

The onli thing that i cant hold on to is my sense of loyalty and my own believes. N i have just one thing to say this person out there, you know who u are and i really think u do not have the right to impose what you believe will be ideal for me when i dun feel that it's ideal for me. U're discussing something personal here and i dunno how people can only judge based on one side of the story and falsely accuse people of not being sensible or sensitive. Dun hurt people's feeling eh? Can't u take a hint with what i'm saying and not staying that i'm trying not to hurt people's feeling.

Tell me what u're thinking, i'm tinking that some things are just meant to happen naturally and some things in life are just not meant to be. It's already hard enough for me trying not to overthink and u have to give me more problems. I really wish to be happy and not sad, worried and vexxed.

Today, went out with the legion people, for mass at Good Shephard and for a long while, i was able to sit down and just blank out and just admired the sights and the sound without a stinging tot in my head about what i should be doing next