My Dreams

I think that i've been a very locked up person all this while, everything thinks that i'm the very lame and very crappy but somehow rather cheerful that i am. Every smiling, every laughing.... But in actual facade this all seems nothing more than a facade... i laugh because of my inability to response in actually tell u how i feel. It's kinda like how u sometimes laugh where are at ur wits, nervous or even in the face of danger. I think that not many will thank that behind that noisy laughter is a person seeking attention, seeking recognition and ultimately trying to deal with his inabilities. Inabilities to express himself, inability to face challenges, inability to perserver and fight on.

Everytime u take a beating, physical or a emotional one, you become stronger. And with each passing experience you change. Sometimes, it's for the better but sometimes it's for the worst. You know when you are at the lowest point in your life, you always hope for that light, the outreach hand. Yeah, we all wish to be given that second chance to succeed, to make a name for yourself. This weekend, besides sleeping & sleeping, i've been doing some soulsearching and reflecting, in this modern society, i tink it's getting harder to actually find someone who cares about ur feelings. You can't blame them, they hardly know you and for those who know you? do you think they have the time? So i guess it up to u you make a difference. I watched three movies this weekend, i watch the Ice Princess, SeaBiscuit & Cinderella Man. All these movies are excellent.

From the movies, i rediscovered this one universal truth, to follow your dreams. No one can tell you what you should be fighting for. Only you can, so what if your mom wants u to be doctor? do you really want to be one? I dun really know wad i should be, that's y i followed it?? oh come on, think for urself man, is that how u wish to live your life? i dun tink so.

In Seabiscuit & in Cinderella man, i learn the other truth about life that will lead u to ur dreams. That is to persever and nv give up, always know where you headed. You know it sound so easy but in actual fact it not true. Many times, we go astray and become lost and don't know how to get back until some kind soul gives u a hand. In seabiscuit, the horse "seabiscuit" as well his jockey "red" was given a second chance to fight for what they believed in, that I may not be born perfect and nurtured perfectly but we will fight on no matter. Not many of us are given opportunities to shine, so we must cherish it and thanks everyone who saw something in us.

So far in my life, the onli thing that i can say that i can be proud of was that i became the CSM. And i'll like to thank SJI for giving me the opportunity to shine and Mr JT for seeing something in me. I'll like to thank GQ, Joel & Mark for imparting the invaluable life skills of doing things for a reason, to trudge on no matter what and to think for yourself. All in all it has been a bumpy and tiring ride. But it's been a unforgettable one.

After babbling on for so long, what am i trying to get at, okies for the first times, i'm gonna briefly tell you what my aspiration are. it's probably gonna be the first and last time that you'll see it and may on last a few days, given the person i am. But for those who actually see it, pls keep it to urselves and if help me along if i stray from this goals.

I dream of seeing the world, to start a family and a wonderful career. Well isn't that everyone's dream. Yeah it's quite true but i guess it's the way we try to get there that differs. In order to start a family, u got to find the right person and also be able to provide for her.(this is my mentality, it's a little traditional and a little chavuanistic to some but whatever, as long as i believe in it). Therefore, I dream of going to college to get a degree and mayb even a postgrad so that i'll be able to find a good job and of cos find my calling in life. I wish to become an Officer, though i tink i dun have what it takes, i lack very much the foresight and very much the leadership but i really had hope to sharpen them in poly but guess it was a gamble afterall( it's up to me believe in myself now), in order to get to Uni and OCS, i guess it entailed the basis of this meritocracy where the one who's smarter and better are selected. therefore, i hope to do well in Poly probably get a CM & cert for cca( highly unlikely so dun think i'll bother anymore).

U know.... i tink i'm boring you guys who actually read this entry but i'll just like to say if it has taken me a lot of courage to tell u all this, because i just think that u guys will just tink my life i'm just immature thinking that life will go so smoothly. Well i'll have to tell ya this, life just happens to be moving in the opposite direction and wad's worst i dun even know if the tings i do are worth it? I'll just hope that u'll support me quietly in this struggle to pursue my dreams.

Greg