What else could go wrong

Well, if the past few weeks had been bad, i guess this week has just beaten the record of being low.

First, my grades sux, IBS no matter how hard i tried to salvage i got a B+ and i was like damn i din get the A. You should seen me cursing and swearing at the teacher from outside the room cos i really was very disappointed. simply because i had just failed my attempt for the 5th time at the perfect 4.0 . You readers must think i'm crazy. what's the point of chasing after a 4.0. well simply cos it the only and i do mean only thing keeping me from a total depression. so after ibs, i was simply psychoing myself saying that probably that's the best she cos give me considering the previous grade i got and that she combined the grading together(wishful thinking).

And of cos there's also SIS to screw me up with the teacher cutting me off half way and den commenting that my improvement is not really relevant etc etc. so there goes probably my hopes of an A again. And who could have forgotten the seriously screwed up WISP. Oh the agony. You just know i have 3 Bs. Haiz. not only is it gonna affected my grades. It's probably gonna be detrimental.

Life on the other fronts also sucked. instead of getting closer to God, i feel distanted from him. Seak has recently been going to church with me and he feels good each time he steps out. as for me, the onli feeling i have is a temporary feeling of peace, solitude which gradually get converted to sadness and self-induced misery.

It's august already and i have yet to get down to writing the NYAA booklet for submission. I mean i'm not aiming to get it dis year alreadi, just hoping to finish it and submit ASAP. Den on the people contact scene, i seem to have lied during my ambassadors interview saying that i'm sociable and love being around people when now i simply hoping that someone will walk up to me and say hi each day, ask me some silly questions and i feel good.

and of cos who can forget my eventful, laptop crashing, me going down to toshiba by myself, getting lost in the industrial park, being informed about it cost almost a new laptop to repair, and before i can get a new notebook, my portable hard disk crashes on me as well and there goes all the info, the fucker telling me a replacement will come onli in 2 weeks and my phone spoiling send it for repair at samsung and that's not all home doesn't feel home at home. My mom is like always asking me to read newspaper, experience the world and whatever not but she herself is ignorant and asks me the dumbest questions possibly.

Imagined not being understood, being forced upon to eat and whatever when i asked not to already, and when i say something, she gives me the har? cannot hear.. i dunno lar, there's not communication at home at all. and so my form of escapism going jogging, going out with kevin and co. despite the fact that i tink i have a weak ankle that is making jogging rather hard.


and who can forget the stigma from young, of always being called short fart, and mom and dad just dun seem to care. and no matter what i seem to do exercise and stuff, i'm not getting close to even 165. i guess i'm destined to be short. to be amongst people who are 170 and beyond. and have tall girls think of me as kiddy and cute.

so i went jogging, to labrador and on the way today, i shouted my heart out, it was so loud that you could practically hear the echo coming back. and den instead of doing all the running, i did the funny stations until i felt giddy and den i jogged all the way out again to grab a drink and chocolate, the bitter ones and not only do they not taste bitter. they were almost tasteless.

if god is playing with me, he's sure dealing me a nasty hand, i really hope that thing will get better. I really hope that there's someone out there who can share all my burden and my woes with. I really hope that all the i've been doing is leading me to a brighter future.

please don't extinguish that glimmer of hope, the beacon of light.. i am getting consumed by the darkness