How Much of a Loner

Okies, i'm kinda feeling very down now, just because i bored out of my wits and the tings that seem to interest me are just not happening. It seems as if i need to make them happen.

After spending two days without school, being cooped up at home with a really nagging mum, i can only seeked a temporary relief by going out carrying nothing more than a notebook and pens jotting things down that i need to pack into my luggage and also the things i need to type for NYAA which reminds me that i need to email thomas tan. Haiz. But in this two days, i have felt a feeling. a feeling that is all too familiar and now it starts to feel that i want to feel less of it. This feeling is called Loneliness. A feeling that can be easily shaken off by an sms from my pals to go out which they haven, or just a hello from some others( guess that was the reason why i love the feeling of being needed). I have never felt so out of place on the street before, having no one to talk, and just being a observer and onlooker as people continued to live their lives while i go on drifting aimlessly, having tasks that lead to no goal in life.

I guess in other for things to happen, i have to make them happen and no longer wait. But having said that, it is easier said than done. There just seems to be no aim in life. Yeah so what if i had a life long plan to get rich, to being financially free, to have a loving family, a beautiful wife, and charming kids. Who am i kidding when i say "Everyting in its time", sure there's a time for everything, and here i am waiting for opportunities of a life time to show itself. And people believe in god. I may look like a believer but for the longest time i feel like a lost sheep. Finding Glimpse of God by through the people who actually have touched me.

Oh yeah, to all those ladies out dere, pls tink of some way so that you child don't feel the need to escape from home cos of you. You know how you believe that talking to us is teaching and guiding us and thus parenting. Have you actually tink before you say things, i mean i go overboard by getting easily irritated but the point is, stupid things should not be asked and some times be a little more refined is not bad. i mean come on man shout through the phone and complaining bout the kid not cos he is lazy but just plainly unfocused. And wad's the point of talking us about people who are successful. fuck it so what if he's rich, if he is a doctor, i can't be one and you telling me this in a situation whereby i have no need to know this. You plainly trying me to make me feel like a worthless piece of shit that I am going to become despite the fact that i'm trying, maybe not my best because you seemed to have forgotten how to bring out the best in me.

How i long for love, heart, desire and confidence