When Do You Feel Alive?

Well. SIS is finally over guess have to be contented with the B+ unless mr Tan decides to give me a 10 for participation i dun see how i'll pull the miracle ( mind you A not Ad). Anyways, on friday after the exams, i went to macs with SD, Benny and Clement for Lunch and den back to skool to study. Didn't Intend to but Clement Dragged me back and in the end, i had to sort teach him how to do. But i guess it was quite well spent the time considering that i feel unalive when i'm not doing anything. When i reached home, i did something that i didn't think i'll be doing and that was defending my nephew for the senseless rebuttal from my mom saying that he's lazy and things liddat. If she just stopped being so critical and try to help him and teach him more i guess he'll make better progress. Anyway, the assessment book his mom is making him do is ridiculous and filled with so many errors, if i was the one doing it, i would have felt really troubled.

So Instead of catching up on much needed sleep cos my mind was kinda wide awake the entire nite, i went out for a movie alone. The theatre was really empty like only 6 ppl. This is a rather unknown local production called "High Cost of Living". It quite good considering that it was an old film, a singaporean production and a rather refreshing plot. U guys should catch. Alritez, i spent rest of the nite, out with the guys playing lan. I have kinda lost the taste for LAN, but when the company you keep onli plays LAN what are we to do. I read somewhere and i guess it rather true that people nowadays are communicating less and when they communicate now, there are chances that it is not geniune and people are just putting up a facade. What is the world coming to.

Sat, went to Funan to purchase my laptop. Got to chat with my dad a little, wasn't too bad, but he ain't much of a talker, makes the conversation feels one-sided and he also seem so judgemental, well what he said wasn't entirely wrong but i guess it could have been phrased in a better. Den after that, i went home to sleep. i initially want to go to Holy Family/ some far church for mass. But when i got up. it was like 545pm and i had this tot going through my head. " why do you want to go to church?, for a peace of mind, for a facade that no one notices, to fulfill ur weekly obligations?, well after much thots' i ended not going anywhere but glued to the computer table playing games. And i happier doing that, guess not. But would i be happier if i went to church. Guess not either? There's gotta be something better to do, i need some spice in my life.

At round 9, i decided to watch a movie, Tokyo Drift. The plot was alrite but i guess the action ain too bad. I guess it was what i needed to make me feel somewhat alive on an unproductive day. Well it so happened the movie ended late but i decided to take a walk home instead. and as i was walking, i was recollecting my previous thoughts and i was looking street lamps. this analogy about life came to my head.

Life is like walking along a side walk, filled with many streets lamps and lights. As we walk along the sidewalk, we notice the immediate lamp ahead of us. being dazzled by the glow, glimmer and slight sparkle and we set it as a goal to reach dere. but when we reach there, we discover that there's actually another lamp down the road and another and another. sometimes, we'll notice it but other time, we just walk under it without realizing we have passed under one. and lastly, ever notice that there's an ending to the perpetual and endless rows of street lamps ahead?. I guess not.

So what am i trying to get at. Well the street lamps are actually like our goals and phases in life, sometimes we notice it about we keep that in mind while we journey through life. But sometimes, we can't be bother and we don't even notice that a phase in our life has ended and there's no turning back. in other times, we may also get so obsessed by this particular light that we do not discover that we have already pass it 4 lamps post ago, we live instead in our past glories, memories, triumphs and failures instead of living in the present. Lastly, is that reaching this particular lamp is not the end of the journey, but the beginning of another phase along this unending journey through life.

So i only have one morale i want to share: that is to live in the present and live everyday without regret