Long Long Time

I was just looking at the date, that i had last posted an entry.It was like almost 20 days ago. Had i been that busy that i didn't have the time to blog, was there some other reason that was deterring me from blogging. Well i guess, there was many reason why that i haven been blogging. First off, the project are just becoming a hassle, i'm not really in the mood to do them but yeah i have no choice but to do them. And because there is no point to sloppy half hearted work, i find myself faced with this problem, to do or not to do. And you because i'm starting to see things in black and white again. It's either i do or i don't do at all.

The past few week has been a roller coaster ride. I was healthy and fit one moment and the next thing i know it, i was coughing and feeling all weak. But still life goes on, no matter how hard it is and how tiring it. After that, my emotions were starting to fail me. I dunno what going on, but sometimes i really think that i'm losing/ lacking some emotions. You know how it is with project no being able to be complete and stuff and you start to get all panicky. Den you know the feeling when you are going to have a presentation and you're anxious and nervous. Yeah all those emotions are missing. It's seem very good rite but well i'll have say that it's not. At many instants, i'm like trying to force myself to laugh and smile.

Going out with my pals are also lacking the fun in it already, must be because our groups outing are getting from small tosmaller with a few of them preparing for A'lvls and as for me, i go out for trying to find some times out them when i'm not faced with the reality and that sometimes the person making me unhappy is actually me.

This weekend i spent a lot of time sleeping. And i didn't really planned on sleeping that much but it was like because my mind was just plainly overworking it. Trying to find a way put what i feel into words. It has been getting harder and harder. I really hope thing will get better. Or else i really dunno how i'm gonna studying for exams. And speaking of studying, somehow i feel like i need to get a life. All i can talk about is projects and stuff. It kinda weird when you know that what's on your mind is really not school work but it just doesn't seem right to be saying these other stuff.

I tink i'm gonna leave on a cliffhanger again. dunno what else to say, eventhough there is quite alot on my mind rite now.

Life Sucked

Okies I’ve actually been wanting to post a entry something like 3 weeks back but each time I look at the blank screen in front of me, I just lost the mood to write. For the past few weeks, a lot has gone through my mind but surprisingly, academic results seemed to have lost it’s priority one position. Not that it’s not important anymore but that it’s now not the most important.

I have been revisiting the topics of existence and Love once again. At one pt, I wasn’t feeling like write my feeling out but thought of expressing that in picture but I soon discover that my pictures that I drew were nothing more than a way to distress, to just draw something to keep my fingers busy while I conduct a intellect debate in my mind. And for I have to say, when I’m happy I seldom blog.. but when I’m frustrated in something. It immediately gives me the motivation to blog. Why is that so? I really wonder.

Last week I got back three of my test papers and they all were good grades but this week it’s been turning out from bad to worst. On Monday, went to lecture, wong scolded the whole class and after that triple was really borimg. I really dunno what I was doing, I was like merely copying down the answer for the sake of copying it down. After that we started doing our IEF and we basically didn’t get any work down. I feel so pissed by the fact that every one was not in the mood and I couldn’t get them in the mood to do it. It was irritating. Then best thing is I forgot to called back to tell my mom about not coming home from dinner.

Tuesday, AAA was quite crappy, just a lot of theory, hell lot of it and I really wasn’t absorbing much, I was copying more again. Den went for PMKT tutorial got back our test papers well expected that I would be top or this one cos I wasn’t completely prepared + I made a few careless mistake. But the worst thing is thing when I received my result wasn’t so much that there were many people whose marks were higher than mine, but more importantly, I was one mark from an A grade. And it’s pissing to know that it’s always this kind of thing that makes me miss my A grade and I’ll end up with a B+. It’s really really frustrating when u know you SHOULD be getting an A instead.

After school, we continued doing our project and yes we found most of our sources but now we haven added any extra stuff into the pwt and I fell asleep in the project room. But dreams were sometimes feel very prophetic where u get some glimpse of the future and it’s onli when u encounter that situation u’ll feel like it’s a dejavu . Researching for the past few days was good cos we kept finding new example, The palm, The World, Hyflux, Pastamania etc etc. So wish I had a few billion tp spent and invest in property and forex now. Tuesday was almost gone. After discussion, me, ak & Diana headed down to PS. They went shopping for clothes for the diana’s presentation while I headed to play LAN, and sometimes, yet just sometimes, they make me feel like an outcast and to make it worst, I’ll then feel like outcasting myself. It’s a vicious cycle. LAN was alrite at best and after that we went to have supper before heading home. And because I didn’t charge my phone and my battery died when I called back using meng’s hp. Den on the bus home, I was really, really drained but my mind was still moving. After showering and going online for a while, I went to sleep.

Now I’m on the bus typing this entry, thinking back of how my mum is sometimes very insensitive as well. They say I treat the house like a hotel but just because I don’t come home for dinner. Yes I know it’s very irresponsible of me to not called back but my phone was dead and beside what’s done is done, it’s not like I don’t try to make an effort to.go home for dinner. Plus it makes no difference when I try to confide my problem with them, they just simply don’t understand, My sis think that I’m just trying to disturb her I go find her for company. And well I think my dad is stressed enough from work in the office. But worst telling my mum is the worst choice man, I wouldn’t even go dere, first she’ll complain about us not eating the meals and when we do eat, she justr keep forcing u to eat citing not to waste food and guess who’s forced to eat up finish it? Me lar… and it’s so vexing, don’t blame me for blowing my top and, I’m just seriously too full what u want me to do. Vomit out everything den eat again?

Life is like never ending journey where we’re like trying to balance this scale while traveling on the bus, inevitable that the scale will tip to one side.