How Much of a Loner

Okies, i'm kinda feeling very down now, just because i bored out of my wits and the tings that seem to interest me are just not happening. It seems as if i need to make them happen.

After spending two days without school, being cooped up at home with a really nagging mum, i can only seeked a temporary relief by going out carrying nothing more than a notebook and pens jotting things down that i need to pack into my luggage and also the things i need to type for NYAA which reminds me that i need to email thomas tan. Haiz. But in this two days, i have felt a feeling. a feeling that is all too familiar and now it starts to feel that i want to feel less of it. This feeling is called Loneliness. A feeling that can be easily shaken off by an sms from my pals to go out which they haven, or just a hello from some others( guess that was the reason why i love the feeling of being needed). I have never felt so out of place on the street before, having no one to talk, and just being a observer and onlooker as people continued to live their lives while i go on drifting aimlessly, having tasks that lead to no goal in life.

I guess in other for things to happen, i have to make them happen and no longer wait. But having said that, it is easier said than done. There just seems to be no aim in life. Yeah so what if i had a life long plan to get rich, to being financially free, to have a loving family, a beautiful wife, and charming kids. Who am i kidding when i say "Everyting in its time", sure there's a time for everything, and here i am waiting for opportunities of a life time to show itself. And people believe in god. I may look like a believer but for the longest time i feel like a lost sheep. Finding Glimpse of God by through the people who actually have touched me.

Oh yeah, to all those ladies out dere, pls tink of some way so that you child don't feel the need to escape from home cos of you. You know how you believe that talking to us is teaching and guiding us and thus parenting. Have you actually tink before you say things, i mean i go overboard by getting easily irritated but the point is, stupid things should not be asked and some times be a little more refined is not bad. i mean come on man shout through the phone and complaining bout the kid not cos he is lazy but just plainly unfocused. And wad's the point of talking us about people who are successful. fuck it so what if he's rich, if he is a doctor, i can't be one and you telling me this in a situation whereby i have no need to know this. You plainly trying me to make me feel like a worthless piece of shit that I am going to become despite the fact that i'm trying, maybe not my best because you seemed to have forgotten how to bring out the best in me.

How i long for love, heart, desire and confidence

Happy... Birthday... to... Me

In a matter of hours, i would have spent 18 yrs on this earth. This world filled with beauty and ugliness. A world filled with friends but also enemies. Before i begin my 19th year of life. i guess i should at least write down about the last minutes of this year.

Guess i've have to start off from after the exams. Okay i have say, i entered the exam halls aiming to do really well considering how much i have prepared but i guess, nothing could have prepared for the blunder i did on the FMGT paper. It really spoilt my weekend and even those movies and games that usually cheered me up were useless. I was utterly crushed and defeated. But as the saying goes, "there's only one way left to go when you hit rock bottom and that would be up" and so, i studied hard for the rest of my papers and tried the best i could but i guess for the rest of the paper. Sure, there were a mistakes but i guess, those were rather salvageable. Well, the light at the end of this tunnels was a holiday in genting with my pals. But not, there was a twist to this happy ending.

I was activating my roaming at singtel when Randall( yeah the fella who was supposed to be travelling the 8 hrs journey with me to genting called to say that he could make it as he was going to ITP... WTF). And so i take an 8 hrs trip to Genting on the coach alone and i have to say that i wasn't really frightening but rather lonely. With the only people behind people 2 couples who and i sitting in the front of the coach. It had a great view, a great view of you heading into the unchartered and unknown alone with no one. It was really a crappy feeling. And what made it worst, my autoroam didn't fucking activate( thank you singtel, so much for "we do our best")Oh yeah, so i was after an long eight hours in a semi gloomy and dreamy state, i arrived in Genting, after meeting up with my friends, and checking in, we went to have a damn late lunch and den a to the outdoor theme park. We sat a lot of ride and i have to say even least exciting rides in the park, made me feel uneasy and apprehensive to sit. But i guess the nudging and coercion worked and i had a lot of fun on the corkscrew, and of cos the damn SPACE DROP.

the rest of the time were spent laming around and having fun other than of cos when it's time to sleep. Since randall didn't come, i had the room all to myself, and who would have tot it would be so a uneasy feeling, sleeping in a room with two beds and the worst thing was that as u stare into the mirror, you can't help but ask "why is this happening to me, why am i alone in a room in a foreign land." Oh wells, other than the crappy nites alone, the trips was rather good.

There was one more thing that went through my mind but i guess it would just be depressing to disclose it.

Next off, would be the IBSM workshop, i had wanted to work with my classmates but as it turned out, we could as there would be 7 in a group and dere, me and zhi kai wanted to be in a group but that fell through too, and so it ended up with me joining a group which i hadn't intended on. But oh wells, i guess the girls are quite nice. And there was the saturday out, where there was first the Ambassador's farewell and presidential elections and then the Principal's trip, dun really care about it anymore, i actually think that this scheme has not much bearing on my life anymore.

But one topic which came up rather often recently is about me being short. You know i may join in and joke about it with u as well but i really tink that YOU people out dere should understand my predicament. It's not like i Love being short. talk about shortcoming. Being short is not a sin and it certainly shouldn't be use social stigma especially when you're a GUY living in a world where half of the billions of people are taller, smarter, prettier, more sociable than you. I want to stand out for the right reasons and not for the wrong reasons. is it my fault that my parents are short. is it my fault that no matter how much i jump, no matter what vitamins/supplements i take i dun grow taller. No, it's not my fault and so can u all just stop using this trait to describe Gregory Zhou MingJie.
Deng XiaoPing wasn't remember for being short. He was remembered for the contributions he made to China. I may not be a great man, but i should be remembered for the contributions i made to your lives.

Recently, i caught up with some of the legionaries lately and it was surprising to note that there are 3 legionaries who share the same birthday. so I hereby wish Daniel, Pravin, Jonathan a happy birthday. May your wishes come true and your life be less of a struggle as compared to mine.

I often question why i am such a lonesome person but i reckoned that is just the person i am.

Life is a struggle, At the end of the road, we might not even know what we were struggling for but it is life. "Wishing & hoping for the light at the end of the line.