Sunday, November 26, 2006

alrite elearning week is finally over and i've managed do one ting, to screw my biological upside down, to thread in negativity for the longest time ever, to feel neglected, sad, and unable to find a person to talk to for the longest time. It's funny how when i'm just to has a conversation with someone other come straight and say that i'm flirting. Such irony, i've have you to know that i'm just looking for someone to talk to. You know it's really hard to find someone to talk to and not simply just small talk but also more serious matters.

I did some exercise and 11pm in the evening till 12 before, for that one hour all that i hope was that all this exercise i was doing would help me reach my goals. i took a shower and fiddled with my laptop till early morning and that's when i finally fell asleep after not feeling tired but rather emotionally a little happier or at ease. ok the next morning, i continued burning my copies of dvds and it was like already evening before i left the house for mass at holy family. I miss going for mass in the morning at st. theresa's . It's just so lonely having no one to greet, no one to say hi to, no one's hands to hold during the our father. It's just so weird. Well, going to mass is not really to fulfill an obligation but rather to spend time with god to find peace.

Anyway after mass, i walk to the east coast chalet for yx's surprise bday party. It was alrite i guess, well the crowd wasn't my type i guess. but hey we're there to celebrate yx's bday and that's wad impt. i had every intention of staying but as the night progress, i noticed there were just too few people i really clicked with and so i decided to go drinking with my kevin they all. It was fun eventhough i reached there really late. I being in the foul mood i have been in since dunno when didn't really how much i was drinking and just drank. But i guess, i drank a moderate barely enough to make you feel drowsy. But we did talk abit here, cracked some jokes at the expense of the other(yesh. Ant need to improve ur singing ar :P) and even did lame stuff like fortune telling using poker cards(yeah the one about what sequence you'll meet your best friend and lover) and (questions about 4 girls). It was quite fun, something we haven't done as a group before. We had quite a laugh. after that, i walked all the way to orchard boulevard before taking a cab home.

and here i am, supposed to do work but having neither the interest nor the heart to do the work and so i just did some menial stuff like printing and underlining. Oh how i wish i can feel blissful, contented, loved, and have good nite sleeps.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Love? Life? Love Life? Life is Love?

I have quite a lot on my mind to ponder about this week

  • How misery, disdain and deceit has slowly creeped into my life, freezing and numbing my heart
  • how HP created a screwed up laptop that broke down barely two month after purchase. fortunately, they regained my trust with their excellent service. They sending the laptop back to me.
  • How the taiwanese dramas has made me feel so happy. Made me feel believe or rather remember what sweet romance is all about. Yeah kinda infatuated with xb( aka Joanne Zheng Zhi Qiao from sweety) in magicians of love. The cute features + sweet demure + spun what a perfect blend.

Having said that, it's just a crush and nothing more as i being the low self-esteem, pessimist when it comes to myself (esp love) know that girls like her will never fall for guys like me.

average looks, below avg height, ok family background, slightly average poly grade which = average grades, oh yeah who can forget timid, shy, stage fright, adverse to radicals, quiet reserved and lousy sense of humour.

I was thinking of these things as i jogged in the morning, as i watched tv. You know today i watched a loving couple bickering in the shopping centre, it was quite funny, the other passer-bys were laughing, and then there was this guys staring intently at a collection of couple rings on display. All i have were thoughts, there seems as though there were emotionals in the scenes, i felt no happiness, no joy, no excitement. Why am I so detached from the world and no one even seem to understand let alone care?

As i was jogging, the number 167cm suddenly floated vividly in my mind and I can't but feel the unfairness of this life. Of how, i'm so short and i dun seem be to getting any taller.

I picked up a book the other day: The road less travelled. Because i tot it struck a chord for i had chosen a road less travelled. Not going to JC like most of my peers, staying single on a notion that there is true love in this world, taking a second and third shot at things eventhough it just dun seem to work. So i read it with much interest but also some disbelief when he proclaims that falling in love is not love. Only after reading it( not in detail) did i realise it true.

Well i'm not gonna explained the difference, if u wanna know borrow the book from me. But it's enlightened me to say sorry that i have never been in love. I have never felt strongly enough for any gal for me to will that i want her in my life. I want to spend my life with ya, i want to help you achieve ur goals, i want to embark on a lifelong journey together with you. I just have to say sorry to all those As, Cs, Js, that i've never got down to knowing you all better.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

What Your Soul Really Looks Like
You are a warm hearted and open minded person. It's easy for you to forgive and forget.
You are not a very grounded person. You prefer dreams to reality. For you, it's all about possibilities.
You see yourself with pretty objective eyes. How you view yourself is almost exactly how other people view you.
Your near future is a lot like the present, and as far as you're concerned, that's a very good thing.
For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.
Inside the Room of Your Soul