I dunno why i feeling rather down this few days, basically been slacking. And i do mean slacking. Keep thinking about the million what ifs in life. The mysteries of the unknown is so vexing. and so i'm gonna say fuck it. i'm just gonna live a day as it come, i can't be bothered anymore. If things are suppose to happen, they will happen, If they're not suppose to? well, Why God~!~!~! Why~!~! Why are you doing this mean me... Okies, i'm so darn drama..
Today... today... was an energy sapping day. First, i woke up rather late, then i slakced around then hous until bout 9 plus before i left for school. And school, i chatted with alphonsus for a while, was quite fun, that went for IAC, it's pretty interesting i guess. But then, they conducted this experiment and they chose me to be the leader. What we did was leave the room for a while, den come back to do a quiz and our group member was suppose to convince us to put the wrong answer. Basically, what happened when i did the quiz was, i was hearing what they were saying and i was thinking, something was darn wrong lar, i know for sure that the answers are D but they are just telling me otherwise, and better still they're just telling me that the is other options are correct without justification and so what happened was i became the leader who decided everything by himself which is in a way quite true. But then again, i begin to see the importance of communication. But it just feel weird feeling called an autocrat lar.
after Lunch at Galileo, we had CATS presentation, it was quite ok i think but then again, we could have done it much better i believe, it's just that we were all so busy with our own lives, I want to elaborate but quite personal scare i might offend ppl. So overall okies lar. After that, ZAGG group ppl were chatting lar, and we discussing about things, and somehow we were all sharing some common displeasures lar which i'm not going to mention. But we do hope that something will happen and we don't have to create a big fuss about it. I mean stop thing that the part you do is a big part when it is not, i quote bob( Incredible, 2004) "they're finding new ways to celebrate mediocrity", getting my drift i shan say more. Den me and this fella were also saying that somehow this semester, this person is giving a unpleasure vibe and i think that the person doesn't notice it lar. I personally seldom have prejudice on ppl one lar but this is one of the exceptions.
After that went to sji, talk cock with Jinx Rong and sir melvin again, we went for a jog seriously. SLOW jog, Eric become Jinx Rong no 2 lone ranger again, all his part mate pang seh him. During the jog, was quite funny to listen about T relationship with L. so farni, nv knew L was a cj counsellor and has a 1st honour degree from NTU, and even more farni is his wife now was his gf den ( quite romantic lar) but the farni part is here. L was T's Wife ogl, and L's Wife was T ogl. Funny how small this world is. But it bring me to this question, god has guided them towards this path, where is he guiding me towards?
Evening went out with guys, ate at KFC (omg friday, suppose to abstain but aiyah easier for everyone lar)Den went to play dota at this lan shop, the coms are damn good. Play bnet dota with benny clan, wa not bad wor their team. After lan, we went to eat dao hui. and we were talking cock lar. And it just too darn farni, how they say the closing invocation for prayers in sji. It's a little disrespectful lar but i believe that it wasn't serious, like come on ppl are age usually not serious and that's y we always end up in hot soup for no reason. I will continue Oh Mai Gawd to do all my actions for the love of you..
Each and every one of us leads a very different life, no matter how similar it is. It doesn’t matter if you guys are the best of friends, playing from young together, you are still leading different lives. Why am I typing this at 1214am on a Tuesday morning, well I just feel so bottled up, so vexing that I just need a outlet to release all this steam.
A lot has been having in the past few weeks. First Christmas came and gone, there was much spirit. I wasn’t feeling excited about it and I actually spent Christmas playing the arcade, how sad. Another thing, you know after every confession, I always tend to feel good but somehow this time I didn’t feel it, something’s simply missing in my life.
The days following Christmas was back to school as usual, news of the tsunami was gradually being broadcasted all over the air waves. Looking at the waves, I was not strong concerned about the people at first but admiring the majesty of the waves. Sweeping everything in it’s way. Only later, when pictures of family looking for their loved ones, not so much for their safe return but a body, be it dead or alive so that at least know.
On New Year’s Eve, I celebrated with my pals, after having pasta, we were at Kevin home, and like I said I just now feeling the spirit. Why do I say that? well.. Here’s why? “Eh, what time izzit? Check Teletext lar.? So we flipped to teletext and guess what, the time was 00:00:41 42 43 .” wow, happy new year… each of us was having a bottle of Heineken and we bottles up and I have to say this is my first time finishing a bottle of beer myself and it seriously taste like piss. I have no idea what is so nice about alcohol.
And fast enough, the first week of 2005 has already gone by, Just another 51 more weeks and the new year would be here again. I spent Friday in CATS, i saw bearing in what I was freaking doing in school that day. My body is there but my soul sure aint. After class, I went back to sji, to see how’s the unit doing, and sure enough, loads has changed, the only people I remember are the teachers and the present sec 3 & 4 and it’s only a handful, I was sitting down there with Sir Melvin. And it’s so darn funny come to think of it now that he doesn’t look that fat and is actually working out at California gym. Another thing is that he didn’t teach the UDIs how to wear their lanyard until I pointed out that they look funny. Went jogging with JT and Sir Melvin after that, was rather slack but then I didn’t stop jogging so it was good. Den they had something news for the UGs, Combined Dismissal Parade, with prayer and stuff. Kinda missed saying prayers in school. After that, me and sir Melvin went to Esso for some snacks, so funny man, he was buying a big container ( dunno what that called u know cylindrical shape like Pringles those kind but wider in circumference) of Hello Panda.
Spent the night out playing pool with the usual pals.
Saturday went back to school for ambassadors, was quite fun. Until after that I dunno why I was feeling very displaced and absent minded. I mean I lost my file, then after that on the buses I took, I missed my stop twice. I don’t know lar, something is freaking missing in my life. After mass at holy family, had dinner at harbourfront macs, den played arcade at ezone alone. Pengz, must seriously stop playing arcade alone. Why was I at Harbourfront, well remember I lost my file, I backtracked to the hawker centre and bus terminal. And so I’ve wasted my time away, and how did I know I was feeling down? Simple I din even complete time crisis 1!!!! . On on Sunday morning, went for mass, was supposed to sing the gospel acclamation but somehow my acclamation became more like an announcement, it was lacking something, like me.
Monday, after class, went to Tiong Bahru Plaza to deposit money into my account. After I went to watch Phantom Of the Opera alone. This was what was damn weird, I was like the only guy alone in the cinema. There was just one other creature of the male species and he was there with his girlfriend. So i felt so awkward but then again, I was there to watch the movie, and I have to say it’s a damn good movie if you like musicals.
Reached home, played a little warcraft, then was watching some Chinese variety programme dunno what izzit called hosted by Jack Neo and Mark Lee. They were featuring this group of grim looking man who looked like gangsters and you know what I felt was very sad was when they featured this man, he looked like some ex convict kind and he came across as stone cold and emotionless. He claimed he has never had a relationship, he haven smiled or cried since birth and it made me pity him while my parents were laughing hysterically. I can’t imagine myself being like him, it just makes me feel so sad.
Just now Kevin, just informed the DOTA team that we’re gonna play again and I’m supposed to be lion and rhasta. And one thing about it, I fucking hate being lion, so darn slow, it makes me feel slow, retarded, laggy. And worst of all, I am freaking dying all the time, why cos I’m not concentrating and dun ask me why I’m not concentrating. Man I just wanna feel good about myself but somehow it seem so hard.
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You Are a Dreaming Soul |
Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you awy from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul |
As I close the door behind, another opens in front of me. And so another year has passed and welcome 2005. i'm sitting in the school canteen. it is so crowded, and yet i feel so displaced, like i don't belong. Time seem to be passing so slowly, the rain droplet seem like they are failing in slow motion.
I wish my life will turn for the better. Me becoming a more independent person and one with more friends. And at the back of my mind, i think of all blessing i already have. A loving family, a well off family when i don't have to constantly worry about money, food, shelter, water and all the other basic neccessities. People are dying of starvation, illness. just thinking of this makes me feel so sad. It pains me to see loved ones crying over the death bodies. Then fear surfaced, what if one day i die, not having done i have set out to do( my dreams, ambitions)
on a lighter note, i'll like to wish everyone a happy new year. May all of you have a wonderful year ahead. to my friends in j2 -> study hard and do well for you A's. my junior in jc1 -> enjoy your first 3 mths, My friends in poly-> have a good semester. all my other friends all the best in whatever you are doing.
It is to have been loved than not at all
This is greg signing out
