Why the hell do we work so hard for?

Who am i again?

I've always wanted to be like this person and that person. I wanted to be successful, smart, brilliant, hardworking, creative and be recognized for it. I desired change, change that will help me fulfill this desire. But somehow, God & Life seems to have ways to toy with you, to test you, to tell you and to make you realise that the closer you try to change to get to that goal, the further you are away from it. It seems funny but, it's so painful to discover that all that you have done so far, many of the things has been in vain.

At the beginning of the week, I did a personality test that i have done 2 years ago. And shockingly, i have almost changed to become my worst nightmare. I am not longer the one i used to be. The positive thinking, carefree, happy go lucky, trusting guy i was gone and in his place now stands a self-centered, self-doubting, selfish, revengeful person. I had hoped to be a better man but what have i really becomed. All the things i have done, thinking that they will aid me in becoming the person i want to be, a happy, cheerful, optimistic, outgoing, has actually led me to become a miserable fool, who is smug, conceited, so full of himself.

And so today, i was humbled not by the might of the fist, but the might of the pen. Ticks decided the fate of my test results. From the 40 i had hoped for, the hopes were quickly dashed as the pen went through the lines of almost undecipherable handwriting before ticking the end and write a big 34 at the top. It's not big deal to some(or most), but this is a stab to heart saying you are useless, you should just give up. It really does say this cos this what i am left with. I dunno who i am no more and i dun have many other things left for me to proud of, i thought i did but now it seems otherwise and my heart, soul and mind refuse to align to aid me. What i am to do?

Walks of Life

This is a thought that came to me. Alrite, i really haven't been studying, i spent yesterday morning sleeping in the library until someone familiar came and woke me up and then i started studying at bout 1plus to 4 plus. 3 hours aint too bad. And then i headed for ps to try pepper lunch for a sort of dinner at 4 plus 5. After that i went home. and Reggie's back from Indo, she bought me Ralph Polo and Absolute Vodka apeach. Anyway that's beside the point here. I spent the rest of the nite slacking, really, watching So You Think You can Dance, SuperBand, Women of Times, Da Chang Jin and then Grey's Anatomy.

and suddenly it just strike me that no matter what even path we take, be a rockstar, an actress, a doctor, a nurse, a politician, a student, we will experience hardship, loneliness, dejection, the need for love, the need for companionship, the need to feel important and the need to prove our self worth. This is what i call the rites of passages, the path that we never be able to avoid, the path that everyone will walk, the walk of life. You call this common sense? i dun think so, cos so many times people see the difference between us, race, height, looks, intelligence, sociability, we always look at the difference in our life, but we dun look at how similar we all are. We are human.

So Let me tell you this, no matter different you think you are from me or the person next to you, think again we are actually more similar than you know.

2 points

Alrite, I’m currently at the most unlikely of places typing this, I’m at the parkmall bus stop typing this, with a irritating clammer of construction in front of the bus stop, waiting for 65.

Two tots that I’ve been wanting to type all week, first was the jog I had to Labrador Park during mid week, alrite guess my fitness is improving slightly. Anyways, as I was at the park, I find myself relaxed (probably cos of the sea breeze and the greenery away from the hectic city life with the diesel smell and engine sounds. And there today, I saw this couple jogging together. I thought it was romantic in a mundane way. Look at it this way, after a hard day’s work, a young couple spends time together for a jog. It’s like the most unglamourous thing, the strands of stubborn hair your face, the perspiration trickling down your body and you feel wet and sticky. The last thing you want is probably your partner beside you in that state. So cheers to the pretty lady who is willing to share her unglam moment with her husband. You two have surely lived up to your vows, “for better or for worst”.

The next ting is music, this is now the trend or even the norm in Singapore now, Everywhere on the bus, there would be a person wearing earphones listening to music. I mean I don’t really anything against that. I listen to Corinne May, Kelly Clarkson, Daniel Beddington etc etc too. But one thing I decided to try one day was to stop listening to what they have to sing( or say) and I suddenly heard another voice, i.e my own. It was telling me to stop listening to what other have to say and think of how life is like for me and finally how I should live, A day at a time, the best as you can. Songs can help express what we are unable to express but they control us, they can only guide us but not live our life for us. So I urge people to try and listen to what you mind has to say.