LLL

I guess life at the can be described using three L. They're Long, Lonely and Life.

Long because, you just dun seem to be going anywhere, everyday seems to have no purpose.

Lonely because no one seems to understand or even try to understand me.

Life because I guess i have accepted my fate that this is how life really is. No car accidents. No surprise encounters. No Motivation. Just Plain Old Mundane Living. N the onli thing to do is be a slave of the system, whereby grades are everything and you're nothing more than a series numbers.

Eating Humble Pie

I guess todays there were many tots in my head and many of the tots i'm going to share has to do with me, me and the narcissitic Me. Well this true yet untrue about. I'm a living contradiction i guess i finally come to accept this.

Well today, i tot i was really prepared for IBS but nothing could have prepared me for the biggest errors in communications i've ever met. So first off, i guess it was the laptop, giving me problem but well i guess i have to blame my dumb luck for it to lag on me at the most critical of moments. Well it kinda screwed my grade big time because i know i'm not a very good communicator but rather a very better responder. Well, i was really dejected with that grade lar, to the point that i really want to cry liao cos of all that has happened First, WISP assignment one's big mishap den SIS CTs and den WISP 2 and finally this. Well to many people who think that it all small from a big picture, i guess u're rite but none the less they have made an impact. Just like how, one person's mistake resulted in the team lost. One mistake on the way may actually determine it but there are those other moments whereby a trusting friend supports u or even help u even the score.

From now on, i really hope to no longer be half hearted and do everything with all my heart. I'm always saying that i'll do this and do that but in truth, there are many things that are still undone, so yeah i want to feel big emotions, i want to go all the way, i want to stop pondering over past decisions and move on, forward and upward.

It's not the success that defines us but the failures that do.

Random Thoughts

Alritez, I've been feeling down in school lately and probably the onli things that's keeping me positive to listening to all the nonsense we talk about when the guys meet. But even those nonsense can only momentarily sustained my sullen mood. Now that one of the guys' in SISPEC and the other in OCS, u really see the difference in the kind of hardship people go through. People who are supposed more superior are actually suffering more. It's in equal exchange, there's not such thing as a free meal in this world.

On my way to town today, i penned something in my sketch book

here they are:

I starve myself a little each day, Just to know how it feels to hunger, thirst and yearn to be fed.

I let misery, sorrow, loneliness, dwell in my heart, just to remind myself how precious Joy, Happiness and love is.

We let people push us around, ridicule us and even take us for granted. So that we know that why we want to be in control, to respect other people as individuals and always people as they deserve.

We live hectic, stressful, tiring and somewhat unrewarding lives so that we can discover the rewards in a peaceful, carefare, relaxing life

A is for Acknowledgement: the recognition of the hard work(mental, emotional, physical effort) put in. An person who deserves the A is one who understand that the goal is important but the process in reaching it is even more impt.

Honestly

I've been wanting blog for a long time and the reason i am only blogging now, i've read someone else's blog and her tots struck a chord with me.

I've been reaching a burnout recently, well not so much a physical burn out or a mental burnout but an emotional one. i feel like this is the breaking point already. First of all, i dun understand why everyone around just want to slack. If your goal is to get good grades, get As to push up ur GPA den the question i posing to you is this. WTF are you doing? Haven you heard you heard of " you rear what you sow". If you wish to get good grades, then please dun just say i need that A to push up my grades, pls put in some effort to. It may require you to make some sacrifices but it is worth at the end.

And seriously speaking, ur tots seem to be passing tots to me, because your actions and behaviours tell me a different story. We're not prepared for the prez and you don't come early and u cite bad weather? and traffic jam? oh come on man. Next, whether i try to get everyone to meet, you all say alrite and somehow this crops up and that crops up and we never got to meet even once. And the other group met 4 times. we barely even met once. I want to be friends with you all but if we dun get enuff time together to do so.

I've been doing so many projects over the past three years and this is the first time i have to say that i have to take the initiative for EVERYTHING and going through all the hassle to plan, to create a framework, you're not there. Haiz, the prez today in the morn was a disaster and irritation was written all over her face. I guess because of that we got marked down pretty badly. and Look at our presentation material, it practically reflects the people who do them, we start off nicely with pictures, and suddenly, there's nothing and there's nothing and at the end, there's something? what went wrong? It really reflect bad time management and lack of motivation. and Like i say again, if i dun get to see you how can i even try to motivate you.

I not done yet... Why issit that almost, ALMOST( there's are the exceptional few) every project i do, no one else seems to want to take initiative and leave it to me. I'm only human as well, leaving everything to me is simply wrong. I know you guys can do a good job as well. I've seen it with my own eyes. You have even sometimes surprised me with your great performances but why can't u all do that in group project. What made a good group project and good team is not one when everyone does their part but one that does more than just their part, offering help to the other members and injecting ideas etc etc.

What i write is nothing tot-provoking but rather a simple reminder that it takes two to clap.