What a year it has been

Time has really flew past this year, now almost seem like a blur. Hopefully i can remember how the whole year went.

This year had been a really eventful year as a whole i guess. Well there was the studying hard part, the NP Open House, My Quiet Bday, that Sabah Trip, BAOC, the Beginning of Year 2, the BA Cares events, recruitment drive, the horrors of IEF, more mugging, then ITP at tradeone and then the sem 2, chalet, outings and here we are again, the eve of the new year.

Met a lot of new people, did quite a lot of stuff that i never thought i would.

The list of people is pretty long i guess, first was the Serve Sabah team, abriel, jane, ts, liana, yinxue, kat, wk, esther, faizah, olivia, minghui, wendy, keith and the rest of the team, then the Zealand people, Clemence, my class ppl, celine, liyu, TA23, henry, lorraine and the tons of other people, BA Care people, TradeOne Bosses: Joseph, Roger, Raymond, Kartzen, SiowWee, Jo, MeiLin etc etc.

All in all, it was a good year. Thanks God for this year. I really dunno what i typing now but i was tinking the past few days, where i've spent lots of time, trying to find some kind of peace of mind but to no avail. There is just so much noise and i'm really hope that God will be a greater part of my life and i will have the courage and confidence to do things that i know i should have been doing a long time ago. To take control of my life.

My name

I just discovered something about my name.

my chinese name is Ming Jie. Ming Tian de Ming, Jie Chu de Jie.
So i suppose it means mian tian hui geng jie chu, translated it'll mean that i'll do better tmr.

So this is the flaw in this, it means that i'll always have the potential to do better but nv be able to be perfect. Yes it's true that no one is perfect but this will probably mean that i will never be contented. I will always be seeking to surpasses something/ someone. If there was someone smarter than me, i'll have to study harder, if there was someone fitter, i'll just have to exercise more.

Well it seems that nothing is wrong until u'll discover that there are tings in life that almost no matter how much effort u put in, u'll never be able to reach it. I have been trying from the beginning to be a taller and more confident person. But it seems almost as it this will never be achieved. I'll forever be the short, insecure person that i am.

Feelings

i tink i'm really tired as i type this. Today, i went for ambassadors briefing in the morning and i have to say it was a pretty good briefing. Have a good laugh and some fun. But i guess at the end of it, as i was quite tired and having someone to lunch with u is kinda fun, it almost felt like family, i haven had dinner with my family for the longest time and i oso dunno why, as we sit down to eat, nothing is discussed. I have so many things i want to talk about but my parent never really seem to care to ask and me directly voicing it out just seems really weird. I can still remember having dinner with my parents and it was the quietest dinner i've ever had, we practically didn't talk except about what to order.

It's really sad that i don't even know their wedding aniversary, or those farni habits that my dad used to have. And they never seem to understand i really want to prove my worth to the world. I really want to be a person who everyone will not rmb. I mean it's true, how many will actually rmb me for the things i've done and the things i've said. I know i dun have much charisma, i dun have much charm and i lack a lot of self esteem but it's not like i can help it, it almost as if i want to be bigger than my body actually is.

The onli thing that i cant hold on to is my sense of loyalty and my own believes. N i have just one thing to say this person out there, you know who u are and i really think u do not have the right to impose what you believe will be ideal for me when i dun feel that it's ideal for me. U're discussing something personal here and i dunno how people can only judge based on one side of the story and falsely accuse people of not being sensible or sensitive. Dun hurt people's feeling eh? Can't u take a hint with what i'm saying and not staying that i'm trying not to hurt people's feeling.

Tell me what u're thinking, i'm tinking that some things are just meant to happen naturally and some things in life are just not meant to be. It's already hard enough for me trying not to overthink and u have to give me more problems. I really wish to be happy and not sad, worried and vexxed.

Today, went out with the legion people, for mass at Good Shephard and for a long while, i was able to sit down and just blank out and just admired the sights and the sound without a stinging tot in my head about what i should be doing next

Pieces of Me

Haiz, i'm really lazy to do anything nowaday, lazy to plan, lazy to work and lazy to think.

so here's just few bite size pieces of information.

Falling in Love is like Drinking Wine
You Have a First Impression
Then You confirm that impression
and you sip to taste sweet,the sour and the bitterness
Savouring every moment till the last drop

Went to watch P&P very nice, saw some old friends from sji, irritating lar go out nv call me. Jonathan Scare me sia, u're so different now, guess it's for the better.

Hate Thief

U know how in Singapore, we think that Low Crime is No Crime, well today, some fuck stole my bag while i was in the lan shop and i have to say, seriously leh, i mean come on la, why in the world would you want to steal a my bag.

Okies, so i sort of left it in a precarious position but pls leh, cannot u fucking have a sense of integrity. I mean what's there to gain from stealing. there are so many bags to steal, why in the world steal a Billabong bag which is almost in tatters, and need to have a wrist band to cover up the stitches that was made to the bag.

If you( the thief) is reading this, i really have no respect for u what so ever man. Stealing a bag for it's brand name. U're a real bastard u know, now i need to recover all the data in my computer, my contact list, my photos, my tutorials and lecture. my internet favourite and of cos my computer. Fucking hell, u tink i print money ar, although i'm still getting allowance from my parents, it doesn't give u the right to make them fork out another sum of $ to help me buy a laptop. Laptop are not cheap u.

U bloodi hell, i guess even if u sell the laptop off, it wouldn't fetch u a good price lar, got so many scratches, and the battery spoilt liao. Can u have a heart and just return the things u've taken to the lan shop!!

I tell you, although it's my fault to have not noticed my bag missing, but it's fucking blatent to steal from some1. U're just too darn bastard. Next time, if some1 steals ur phone or laptop, i've have to say, serve u fucking rite and i really hope u learn ur lesson.

Last ting, if i find out who u are, i promise that i'll punch u. and if you're a gal, that's it. You're gonna get a few millions slaps from me.

Everything in its Time

Many wouldn't know this, but this song by Corrinne May is my favourite song. And i have to say that i've to hear this at least once a day. The lyrics just carry so much meaningful for me.

The inability to foresee the future and wishing that we could. Wishing that we have a bright and happy future ahead of us. it tells me to just calm down and take it a step and a time. And i have to say, it has help, i've become a more patient person and not so hot tempered as i used to be.

It has come in a time when everything is just getting so interwined and all so personal. Results, Recognition, Self-Worth, Future, Friends, Family, Studies. It's just so messy now and i have to say that i'm getting a putting a way too much emotions into my thoughts that it actually seem to cloud my judgement. I sort of feeling like i'm in sec 4 again. But one major difference is that now i oso know that i need to keep on this pace and grow and not revert back to the old me who was just so afraid, so timid and so unsure of everything.

Well, it's not much better but it's improving. Really, a lot people think that i'm very sociable and stuff but i really just dun think so, i still have problem trying to strike up an conversation and worst i still have the problem of talking to a large group of people.

Worst off, i tink i have some really mixed feelings now but i guess it can't be helped lar. I'm gonna give it a rest here. too tired