What is the Measure of a Man?

What is the measure of a man? Is it his dashing good looks, disarming smile and to die for body? Is it the company he keeps, his brilliant mind that never ceases to amaze or his loving heart. I been asking this question the day i reading LKY's Memoirs and witness the death of the US President Ronald Reagan and Pope John Paul II. After thinking for so long, i tink i finally discover what is the measure of a man.

The measure of a man is not about his successes. Neither is it about his failures. The measure of a man is not by the certificates he hold. It not about how he died but the simple yet profound truth of how he lived. Yesterday, the architect of modern Singapore died. Reading about his life story in the news, you discover that a man lives on through the legacies he leaves behind. If LKY was Brain of Singapore, then he must be the heart and mouth. The one legacy that will live on in time will be the identify he has created for us. The Singaporean Identity and of course the pledge.

Caught by the Blues

Okies , it monday again, today got woken up by my cousin's and aunt's phone calls, so irritating, i stayed up late to do FMGT lor. Idiotic let me sleep till 10 cannot ar. grrr.. So i packed my stuff in the morn, went to TBP to convert my thumbprint to a signature. Quite funny actually, when the lady serving me asked me whether i had a consistent signature i was like erm yeah. Den i was trying to rmb how to sign lol so farni.. anyway got some hiccups here and dere. ended up i cannot onli apply for my debit card this friday meaning i'll get it probably somewhere b4 my bday. crap, i'm gonna be 19 soon, haiz 18 years of innocence, anxiety, happiness, loneliness, bitternesss, omg i'm old. anyways, went for the pink panther movie, quite lame, but alrite lar, got sometime to think about STUFF.

after that went to skool to study. guess i wasn't feeling well, so ended up having a headache + inability to remember anything. Everything just seems like a fluid concept that is constantly slipping away from me. Had to rush home to help my sister in her woes with Excel. Have to say, she's taking it too seriously, getting all fed up and on the brink of breaking down and asking me to shuddup and get lost and stuff. But i mean u ask me to help lor... Haiz gotta thanks god for making me take the less travelled route. The poly route, have to say i'm handling work stress better. But still not well enuff. some more time i guess. okie going to sleep now ciaoz.

Escape to Weekend

Finally, the studying has begun and the long week is over and the weekend is here and i have another to rest up before i get back to eating and sleeping FMGT ,CMA, BLAW & HRM

well, blogger has been screwing up on me these few days, so i point formed my previous days entries

1) nua morning
2) Cut hair, end up jogging first
3) tired, + too much on scattered thoughts
4) cut hair- damn short now
5) Had lunch, wanted to watch movie ended up sleeping
6) woke up left for Echo
7) forgot to bring scores ended up studying HRM
8) went with BK to Suntec for Karl's
9) talked cock, didn't study, watched bk and guo cheng play arcade and went home
10) being with a pal who is willing to listen is so great, how i miss
being able to talk to someone without being judged as having ulterior
motives.

1) nua morning a while
2) Watched Marrying the Mafia 2 - good show
3) Went to kevin house for a while before heading to skool to study
4) watched the day turn to dusk and to night
5) went back chatted a while online, continued to study

1) went to skool for FMGT, very good lesson i must say
2) lots of things didn't understand
3) clarified somethings i didn't understand
4) Received my Zest Awards, damn cool sia, got red Ngee Ann wrapper
cert and wadeva not.
5) but as i look at it, i dun really think i deserved the award.
6) awards may be won, titles may be conferred, tributes given,
but ultimately, the quality representing these may not be present.
It is only when one come to realise that the greatest friend and enemy of all is yourself.

okies now let's talk about Saturday, I have to say overall, i found myself, one who is physically tired but with a heart and soul burning for the desire to express and be recognized and to be able to seek and see improvements.

it start off with me unable to get out of bed and den when i woke up to off the fan and nua a little i ended up onli rousing around 8 and i was like shit, i'm late. so i changed and headed to the taxi stand when i remember day could drive me. So i reach school around 830 and met up with Liana, waited for YinXue and den headed for sports complex for the "Refreshing Campus Run" Okies so it was, we registered, change into the tee shirt, did warms up and chat and chat and chat until the run started. it was kinda lame, the gals weren't really dere to run but dere for the sake of being dere. So they ended becoming my " lala" dui at the start and they walk the rest of the run. I had every intention to jog but not really run but ended up, the pace was a little slow and i was overtaking and overtaking until i was in the top ten before i even know it.And talk about the route being about 3km somehow i got a feeling it's barely 2km cos we finished the race in about less than ten mins. at the last part jun hao over took me and i was already kinda tired but at the 100 m i made a sprint for the finish.

My after tots from this morning wasn't so much about beating him, or how fast i ran or how of the gals look cute and sexy in their sports attire. But i was how the run reflected our life. My running style hasn't changed, i will never be first but neither will he be out of sight. and as person tire out i try to maintain my pace hoping to get a jolt of positive support once in a while. But somehow, it always seems like there will be some one who will come from behind and overtaking, challenging me when i am weak and powerless and then i will fight my rightful position at the finish. Is this really how my life is like, yes it seem to always has been, but will it always be like dat? i dunno but i growing tired of this. It almost seems like a vicious cycle that i cannot escape. But well Life IS a Cycle whether it is vicious or not.

Den after the run, we were entertained by the performer from the various clubs den we headed to KAP for an early lunch. We catched up a little before we parted our ways. I went to Bukit Merah to get some stuff before heading home to sleep but before i could settle down. i was alreadi 2 plus. i was in church at 3 for a wedding mass. the couple was this pair of lawyers and the bride was very pretty i have to say. The homily went some about how the two of them, whose professions have them dealing law, rules, regulations, policies act and whatever protocols, are able to find the one thing that transciends all boundaries and rules, Love for each other. Amanda sang the Ave Maria at the end which was very well done. It sounded as if it was from a track record. Gotta love her voice.

At nite, in few words, out in towns with the guys for pool and dota. Hopefully i be able to last few FMGT tutorial that i have thought of doing but haven got down to it tmr and finish the sept paper as well.

Why we keep trying?

The weekend has been a dreamy one, i practically passed it by in a half dream state. My brain wasn't really working, instead it was working at a pace where i would probably have made a senile person smarter. Oh well, cut me some slack, it's just one of my dull periods where i'm just feel like not doing a ting. Well it continued today as well, i print the exam papers(which is like the only productive thing i did) den i went for tutorials(okies maybe the next productive ting), third submit ibsm form slacked around in skool with ak for awhile before i decide to waste my afternoon away. Well like i said, i was restless and nonchalent and i was simply bring where the wind brought me.

I took 61 from skool to queensway, den i changed to 153 to go the interchange and den 851 and den 195 and i found myself at liang court eat yakitori before washing my hair under a running tap as i headed to Great World, bought tix for a movie, sat down at Coffee Bean. din know what to feel and then i was off to watch Casanova alone. Well it was a soso movie if i say so, it left so much undeveloped, leaving it to our own imagination and the plot was shallow other than simple plot twists which they blatantly revealed. And then i was home, want to cut my hair(guess i'll to cut it tmr). not many people knows this but i pretty much in pain and dilemma. Well i've always been. Just dat i am very good at hiding it. Everyone has flaws, everyone has expectations and everyone has dreams. Life is so hard already without having to live up to others expectations other than your own. But as you socialize and interact, you seem to get dragged in and assimilated and u find your having to face up to his/her expectations. It's not rite, i shouldn't have to do things that i don't want to. I shouldn't feel things i dun want to and i shouldn't feel lower than anyone else.

All i have to really say is, Never judge a book by its cover. An apple that looks good on the outside doesn't means that it is also good on the inside. N sometimes things that are ugly are actually the most beautiful. Well it's very contradictary doesn't it... but isn't life a contradiction in itself. Why do we keep trying? why don't we just stay the way we are? what is wrong with the way we are? what is wrong with the short, insecure greg? What's so great about being tall and confident? why do we want to change. i'll leave it to another day.

Next off, happy valentine day. Well i have no plans for today, no sweethearts, no darlings, no dinner planned out. It alrite, i chose this for myself... no need to feel sorry for me lol... i mean i'm not. Anyway, to all u couples out dere, kiss and make up and stay happy on this wonderful day, and to all those singles out dere( be it by choice or not), put on a smile for it's a day to celebrate love in numerous forms and not just BGR and even if u yearn it so, dun worry your time will come. And to all those couples who are not able to meet due to circumstances, may your everyday be like valentine's u dun a specific day to show that u care. I'm blabbering again.

Raphael Out

Dreaming the Dream, Walking the Walk & Living the Life,

With the CNY holidays ended, we were back to skool for Tutorial and Lecture and it was just so out place. No one had the mood to study to do work and on den there was Open House.

Well this year, i signed up for all six shifts at the Welcome booth, well i would like to have hopped around but wad can we do when it's just so busy at the booth. I think, this year i entertained less visitor and do more backstage work, carrying boxes and crates of goodie bags while in a half sick state. i was late to report as well cos my stupid bus broke down and so u could just feel how unlucky i was. i had popped a total of 8 panadols throughout the course of the day and the only thing that was keeping me going was seeing how tired everyone seemed to be as well. Oh well, then at nite, i had a huge headache trying to figure out how to do the financial part for ECD, fucking sick man, dunno how to do, aggravated my fever and yeah do until nearly died. In the end, i had to ask Ng Qi for half the morning off to rest. So in the afternoon, i was still a little bit weak and wobbly when i went for duty but yeah, i guess it was alrite. Overall,i tink the Open House went smoothly with few hiccups here and dere and i got to know quite a numbers of seniors, i would like to get to know more of them but i guess i just don't get the chance to. Oh wells. And i guess growing older really gives u a wider perspective on tings.

Okies, morning it was back to skool but somehow for the revision lecture, i just dun seem to catch any hints and then HRM okies onli, cos we were all kinda worried for ECD presentation. It fucking sucked man( ok i'm exaggerating), wee hon's overview was kinda too detailed and den in the end we had to rushed the rest of our parts and hence i cut my part to damn short leaving out the cashflow and other statements and den the teacher shot our group from ROI being too low, smack u ar, if i was having a headache and OH, i confirm with u our project would have been better lor. Well i guess this is overcommitting and thus compromising on quality. Den we had our ECD test results, knew i made quite a lot of careless mistakes hence results in a lot suay marks lost and i have to say i have to contented for not studying for ecd at all. I barely even read through the notes.

Den our BLAW presentation was the next day, and i was so wrong to have entrusted the work to a half demoralized person, peng. cannot blame him lar but yeah the 82 for project my gosh lor. If we had done it well, it could have at least been 88 or 90 lar. And you tink 5 marks 1% small deal, u're so so... i oso dunno wad to say lar. I mean when we do work, we do our best. Putting in Halfhearted work is no work at all.

the rest of the week was alrite at best. Friday, tot the guys were going out ended up, i got stranded in ps alone until 7 plus. I had went for course counselling at boon lay sec and it was really fun i guess, met this IS teacher damn happening guy his parents goes to St. Theresa and this BE lecturor whose son's is in SJI ncc and he kinda remember me. The O'lvls results had just been released and i could barely remember mine alreadi but i just felt that even now,it feels like i had under-performed for O's. Wad's done is done, i have to make the best of the moment now.

Den Ant came and we walked the whole of ps before we decided to have dinner at manhatten seafood. he was kinda sian and i was kinda tired and sian and we chatted about all those kind of stuff ranging from gals to church to life in general and wadeva not. I guess he was starting to feel the pressure of not having a date/ gf on Vday. And all i could say was like, well we shouldn't be rushed to find a gf for the sake of having one. We should wait for the correct one. But we both agree that there is no such thing as a perfect gal out dere, just like we ourselves were not perfect.
We ordered this flaming platter for two( basically is like a fish& co seafood platter for two lar) but it's cheaper and tastes slightly better. cos everything was fried and we were both starving.

Saturday, nua the morning away den went out around 5 plus. Nothing was planned, so i sms the gang to see who was free. Damn gay, onli me, kev and meng free onli. so we din go out in the end. I decided to go watch walk the line. it's really good, people who have lost sight of the future and lost faith in love, lost motivation, this is a show for u. You know, movies always makes like seem so simple because it makes all the events development so much faster. if u slowed it down, i guess it was have me so much more complicated with all those details.

Oh well, tot enuff for now, all i can say now to happy vday to those happy couples, and to those who are single and have no dates, dun worry heaven will smile on us someday. Well my wish list seems to be getting longer and the materials goods are not able to satisfy those temporary needs

Calm before the storm

Well, i guess the next few days gonna be hectic ones and so while i still have the chance, i'm gonna write down what has happened recently.

Well Saturday, went to had reunion dinner at dom's place, Mikael is kinda cute and chubby but dunno why i cannot never make him laugh, well i guess i really can't make ppl laugh, oh well who cares, maybe this is one area i had to improve in, to be more relaxed. Reunion Dinner was a new yet old experience cos yi pa was dere and den there was mikael and we were at dom's place, his house is like a dream home minus the nursery for the kid, i mean it feels so comfortable, i can probably stay in there for the whole day and feel at peace. Got to drink champagne and white wine, Gavi, taste very light like rielsing. But i still missing drink reilsing. At nite, a slight quarrel with my mom and my stupid sis dunno what's wrong just have to keep going against me. it was against i'm completely at fault.

Sunday morning, went to church in formal, den after that, decided to change out of it cos the shirt was a little baggy. After, dunno wad's wrong with my sis and she goes against my notion again. I really think she has a damn short fuse. Well the rest of the day was spent visiting relatives and it really feels different from when i was younger. The money didn't really matter anymore, ang baos have lost their effect but what was more important was what was going on with other's life. Well after i got back, i went to do some work on ECD , i got ppl to do the surverys and stuff den went to sleep and somehow i just couldn't sleep and in the end i slept until 12 plus the next day. Den in the afternoon, i did some compiling and stuff and took my time to shower and stuff and get out of the house. Well instead of going straight to town, i took a bus to telok blangah height and had a stroll to labrador park. Not to tink of it, singapore should have more parks and gardens for us to relax in. I was kinda of down, cos of my sis foreverly critical of me. and den as they were taking pictures with her in the graduation gown... when will it be my turn to have people feel proud of what i have done( well it's actually just a small matter) but i guess, as all the unhappiness and unsatisfied needs accumulated and i just dun seem to have a clear solution written out, i just feel miserable, and they walk in the park was what i need to clear my mind, enjoy the water clashing against the breakwaters and families playing together, kids at the playground and the occassional pretty gals blading past u. I found peace in that moment. After that i went to meet the legion ppl in town. It was kinda funny as i was talking to this guy on the fone about the legion gathering and i just couldn't recognize his voice and i was like damn paiseh to ask and so i was like saying we meet in town and stuff. onli after he put down his fone did i realised that i was patrick. lol i mean this always happen, i onli realised about stuff after a while, it's almost as if there's something holding back that tot at those moments in time. Well gathering was kinda good, played mahjong, got to know what some of them were up to and stuff and discovered that patrick smoked. Haiz, he spoilt my image of him, oh well, hopefully he'll eventually quit.

tuesday, i woke up around 1130, watch tv and then parents went out and sis went out and i played com and stuff before leaving the house around 4 plus to head for town, well, took a me a long time to get to town, den i saw this gal at the interchange( cos i took 131 and wanted to change to 16 but it took forever) anyway, i tot she was kinda pretty but she definitely wasn't my type(many reasons for this) but the ting was there was this ah ma kept asking her stuff and she was like em yeah, and answered them one by one and i was like i'm impressed, she actually kept her cool, cos i could tell that she was kinda irritated alreadi. ah well, the bus finally came and i got to nap till i reach town to play arcade, well din complete any game. You know wad i noticed, i'm actually a quiet attention seeker. I dun want too much attention but i like to know that there is someone paying attention to me. I mean it shows in the results of the games. It was as if the need to impress was the motivation to focus and excel. but oh well, bad luck carried forward from last nite, end up din complete tc 2 or 3, den die at stage 5 of striker bleah. Oh well, met meng and kevin den had dinner at mr beans, first time tasting the chicken chop, it's really good, den ant and keith came and we play dota with noobs den after that we play -dm -ar. So farni lar, my team got lucky heroes again where our items matched real well with our last heroes. Lol, i got a lot of good heroes lar, pa,am, medusa lol, lucky i chiong perseverence from the start, wanted to make bf for pa but ended up as a linken for medusa and after that, our team just ruled the earth. Well after that, i went home and now i'm here getting really to sleep and feel much better alreadi. ciaoz. tmr's gonna be hell of a ride.